Friday, 12 April 2013

A to Z: Knight

Today, a how to is in order.This how to in particular is ridiculous and spurred on by lack of sleep. it will probably make absolutely no sense, or possibly just very little sense, and have lots of grammatical and spelling errors. Personally, I'm impressed I can even use such long words in this stage of half-sleep.

How to become a knight.

1. Know King Arthur personally. That or the Queen. Be really really nice to them and they may well knight you. In King Arthurs case you might have to slay a few dragons before the honour is bestowed. In the Queens case all you have to do is be in loads of films, or write some stuff, and preferably be over 50.

2. If I stick with the standard round table knight, you have to have a pretty good name. No Johns or Charlottes. Not when you can have Baldric or Aloysius. Some great Arthurian names are: Galahad, Gawain, Lancelot, Percival, Mordred and so on. See how awesome they are?

Image from Google.
3. Parade around on a horse in full armour for no real reason, preferably looking a little bit haughty and very alert.

4. Speak in Ye Olde Tongue. I'm sure it will help in some form, if only to converse with various old world beings like fairies...and the lady of the lake.

5. Go to a swamp planet and talk to a little old green guy.

6. Become and expert Jouster. It worked for Heath Leger in 'A Knights Tale'.

7. Beat up some mythical creatures. Preferably Dragons or Demons or something. Do it with style and panache and you're onto a winner, you'll be at the round table in no time.

If all else fails, you could always marry the king yet have a steamy affair with his right hand knight. Though the repercussions are pretty bad I've heard it all works out in the end.

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