A to Z: Knight

Today, a how to is in order.This how to in particular is ridiculous and spurred on by lack of sleep. it will probably make absolutely no sense, or possibly just very little sense, and have lots of grammatical and spelling errors. Personally, I'm impressed I can even use such long words in this stage of half-sleep.

How to become a knight.

1. Know King Arthur personally. That or the Queen. Be really really nice to them and they may well knight you. In King Arthurs case you might have to slay a few dragons before the honour is bestowed. In the Queens case all you have to do is be in loads of films, or write some stuff, and preferably be over 50.

2. If I stick with the standard round table knight, you have to have a pretty good name. No Johns or Charlottes. Not when you can have Baldric or Aloysius. Some great Arthurian names are: Galahad, Gawain, Lancelot, Percival, Mordred and so on. See how awesome they are?

Image from Google.

3. Parade around on a horse in full armour for no real reason, preferably looking a little bit haughty and very alert.

4. Speak in Ye Olde Tongue. I'm sure it will help in some form, if only to converse with various old world beings like fairies...and the lady of the lake.

5. Go to a swamp planet and talk to a little old green guy.

6. Become and expert Jouster. It worked for Heath Leger in 'A Knights Tale'.

7. Beat up some mythical creatures. Preferably Dragons or Demons or something. Do it with style and panache and you're onto a winner, you'll be at the round table in no time.

If all else fails, you could always marry the king yet have a steamy affair with his right hand knight. Though the repercussions are pretty bad I've heard it all works out in the end.

A to Z: Demons.

This one, as you may have guessed by the subject matter, is a little more serious. But also completely not.

I could talk about demons as in hell demons, or inner demons or... er... other demons of some kind?
Or both. Both is good.

Demons are the subject of many a book or film, TV show or story. They can be absolutely anything, from human-like beings with dark magical powers (Charmed) or some crazy monsters that are nothing like humans (um, you know, everything else, including basic folklore).

Oddly enough, I've actually done a little research for this one, and Wikipedia has some very good (yet not entirely dependable) pages on demons, demon classification and demonology, for those of you who think that demons is actually quite an interesting topic.

Inner demons go pretty well with the notion of creatures from hell. This is because certain demons correspond with the seven deadly sins (you know: pride, envy, gluttony, sloth, lust, wrath, greed) You can find information on that right here in this link. So, when you feel jealous of someone with a really nice car, its really easy to tell yourself that it's the demons talking, not you.

If you type 'demon furby' into google, this is what you find.

So that's enough of the slightly more serious stuff. As interesting as it is, I'm getting slightly bored.

Demons should be fun. I think the challenge for today is to think of the most hideous demon you can think of, and think of what kind of demon it is.
Personally I'm going for a monstrous baby pink concoction which is as small as a kitten yet has massive sharp jaws. It also spews fluorescent orange poison-slime out of a blowhole that you assume to be on it's head. It isn't. I guess it kind of looks like a cross between a Furby and a Jigglypuff. Only less annoying than a Furby and not as cute as a Jigglypuff. If it and a Furby were in a demon fight, the Furby would probably win.
It is the demon of cuteness.

In fact, I always hated Furbys. They're probably the most demonic of things.

Now it's your turn. Please cave in to my demonic desires.