Thursday, 19 August 2010

The Future Freaks Me Out.

(That song, by the way, is by Motion City Soundtrack. Check it out: The Future Freaks Me Out- Motion City Soundtrack).
(And by the way, it only freaks me out a little.)

I was a little bored, so I decided to Google 'Futuristic Cars'. There were absolutely fascinating results. They were pretty awesome I have to tell you. So, can you imagine it. Cars like this:

Cars that hover/fly?

Ones that are practically all wheels?

A car that can go both on land and in water?

As you can see the concepts are all there.
It got me thinking about the future in general. (And how much, as much as I utterly love Back to the Future 2, it is really obviously going to be completely wrong.)

So what kinds of things might be in store for us in the future? If only we knew. I'd be getting down to changing some of it right now.
Such as if I end up as a spinster, I'd be making sure that my cats were the good sort. (Staying out of my bloody way.)

Wikipedia has an excellent page on the Future, if anybody is interested. (I've linked it and everything).
That's if there is one of course. Didn't many religions predict the ending of the world on various dates throughout history? What if there is no future?
The rather gloomy film 2012 depicts the mass freak weather occurrences that will supposedly destroy the earth in 2012.
I'm pretty sure that there are many other films like this, only less well known. (And mostly featuring Aliens...)

So what do I hope for in my future?
To be alive, for one.
Basically what most people want: A good job with a good amount of money, a lovely family, and a rather large mansion with grounds the size of Wales.
(And for there to be an awful 80's Diner so I can practically be in Back to the Future 2, not to mention the technology and cars fueled by rubbish.)

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Fairy Tales: They used to be pretty Grimm.

Upon watching The Brothers Grimm (Which is a must by the way, it is rather brilliant, and takes pieces of inspiration from everywhere) I decided to write about Fairy Tales.

Fairy tales are odd things really. They were folk tales made up to scare people, cause superstition and to provide some sort of twisted form of moral reasoning.

So what moral exactly did they provide? For a start, lets dwell on the infamous Snow White. All I'm getting here is that you shouldn't trust kindly old women, because they just might turn out to be your evil stepmother hell-bent on killing you.
And Little Red Riding Hood? Carry an axe around with you, just in case.

Not really the kind of thing you want to teach children is it? (Although perhaps being on the defensive isn't such a bad idea. There are wolves and witches out there you know.)

Really, the traditional morals are usually something along the lines of: 'love conquers all', 'be wary', 'don't talk to strangers', 'good always triumphs over evil, 'the grass is always greener on the other side'(Billy Goats Gruff guys) and such. But to be honest I think they're mostly explaining why you shouldn't be as plain idiotic as the heroes/heroines in these stories.

Now, as I've said, the heroes and heroines in the stories are pretty stupid. But that's pretty much nothing compared to the antagonists. Clumsy 'bloodthirsty' giants, trolls under bridges, witches living in gingerbread houses, evil beauty queens, frankly ridiculous bears and wolves and not to mention the scariest of all: an ugly little all singing, all dancing man who makes people guess his name. Oh, the horror.
Although saying this, folk tales have had some very good villains. Vampires (NOT the sparkly kind), Werewolves (Not the dog kind), Dragons and truly awesome Sorcerers are some good examples.

But fairytale land wasn't always this way. All the cutesy-ness can pretty much come down to one infinitely famous company. (And others who try making it more.. child-friendly). Of course I'm talking about Disney.
As much as the Disney movies are old classics, in my opinion the more scary and, yes, gory older versions are better. It exposes more in the characters. Cinderellas sisters were so selfish and wanted the Prince so much that they would cut off their own heel and toe just to fit into a shoe? That says something.
Lets not forget how much the real Little Mermaid had to give up. Every step she took out of the ocean was like knives being stabbed into her feet. Not only that but she didn't get the Prince in the end. She died. Ouch.
See what I mean? The morals are more... pertinent.

If you are like me, and much prefer these kinds of stories, or fairy tales rewritten, then I have a few books for you:

1. Anything by Gregory Maguire.
-Try Mirror, Mirror (For Snow White).(Click Here for a Review.)
-Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister (For Cinderella).(Click Here for a Review.)
-Or for something different, and not actually a fairytale Try Wicked (For The Wizard of Oz, also made into a theatre production). (Click Here for a Review.)
2. Neil Gaimans' Stardust (Also made into a film) is also a reworking, but of the whole fairytale genre. I rather love this book.(Click Here for a Review.)
3. Lets not forget that Shrek has a whole rather funny ensemble of fairy tale and storybook creatures.

One thing I must mention, is the utter awfulness of the Princes in these stories. They're charming, heroic and supposedly gorgeous. Can you imagine how vain they must be? And probably with very little capacity for staying still and listening. Although the adventures may be exciting, I have a feeling the conversation wouldn't be.

To end, I'll give you a moral of this here blog:
If you want a fairy tale with substance, do it yourself. (And don't trust odd little men who offer you favours.)

Sunday, 8 August 2010

Has anyone considered why you would become a Dentist?

The Dentist.
Why does the very thought of going to a tooth specialist give many people feelings of ultimate woe and fear?
I don't really understand.
Then again, my teeth have been perfectly fine all of my short life, with the exception of having an overbite and probably needing braces. But I don't see much point in braces if they are only for aesthetic purposes.

These dentists, that strike fear in so many, why do they do so? They are the conquerer of holes, repairist of the broken and the crowner of the pearly whites (not to mention occasional cleaner). So why is this a bad thing?
Sure, it could be painful. But mostly it's relieving pain.
And it smells a bit. But that is for protection... no bacteria and such infecting our systems.

So after all this why do we still fear it so much, if it's a service to help people?
The workings and fears of the human mind never cease to amaze me.

There are a few annoying thimgs about the dentist though.
Such as the way they bend really really close.. it's pretty uncomfortable, especially when they're staring into your mouth and asking you a question.

Then there's the waiting.
Waiting for an utterly unpredictable amount of time only to find out that you have to pay stupid amounts of money for a few hours of pain. Or worse, paying for the dentist to say to you "They're perfectly fine, as always!", which means you probably haven't even had to go to the dentist for a few years.

There is another theory of why to avoid dentists. They put you through pain and like teeth.
A) It's weird to like teeth
B) People who earn their money to cause pain and look at teeth all day. Slighty sadistic? Possibly.
C) Dentist surgery small talk is very uncomfortable.

But please, don't avoid the dentist. Because if you do you may just end up with no teeth and rotting gums. Frankly, that is utterly disgusting.

One thing you should do though, is listen to the song: 'Dental Care' by Owl City. Because it is really very good and pretty hilarious. :)

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

What makes people so ridiculously obsessed with shopping?

Shopping. The first act of cruelty that a female will inflict upon her guy friend/boyfriend. (the second one being the dreaded question: " What do you think?" whilst trying on a horrific dress two sizes too small.)

Most girls, myself included, quite enjoy shopping.
Some girls are completely and utterly fanatical about shopping. I think men need to stay away from these at all costs. That is, unless they themselves like to shop, in which case the woman should question the sexual orientation of this man. If it has been questioned and the result is just a straight guy that enjoys shopping, I reckon those shopoholics are onto a winner.

I must warn you all though, that there is a particularly defective breed of shopoholic. These are what I like to call the 'buffet shopoholics'.
There is good reason for this name.
They will pick out many many items, stack them to enormous heights and devour each and every item. Some will also sample the item, and then return it to it's original place. (I hate these people at buffets.. what if you eat it? Ew.)

Theres another type. The 'sale fiend'. (This isn't actually my name for them, I just thought of it and liked it.) But these people are easily spotted. Just take a look at their home.
-Are there 10 bottles of shampoo lining the bath/window sill/cupboard?
-Do they have an overflowing/unshutable wardrobe? (Which when you look inside it has 3 pairs of the same jeans, the same top etc)
-Is there many random items decorating the house? (Such as odd little trinkets and ornaments)
-Is there a secret stash of toilet roll?
-How about endless amounts of tissue boxes and packets?
-Last but not least, is there a random unused/used once item? (Mostly these wil lbe something in the kitchen, such as an automated apple peeler or something, most likely to still be in the box with a bright red sale sticker on it, stacked up high.)

Now if you're nodding to all of these, you do indeed have someone worthy of being called a sale feind. My mum is just like this.
She also has a friend who had endless amounts of toiletries and make-up in boxes, toilet roll, clothes and items of furniture in her attic. Ridiculous.

Now, I know this blog is supposed to be about shopping, but really, I quite like ranting about how ridiculous more people than you may imagine are.
So to make up for ranting about people who love to shop (and I'll admit, Even I'm like that sometimes, I am still a woman after all), I shall give you my top three favourite websites to shop at.

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