A to Z: Food

I am a great food lover.

Wonderful in fact. I'm so modest.

I very much enjoy eating it when I go out, and sometimes I even try foods unknown to me. I'm always interested in learning which things I enjoy and which I don't, mostly in the pudding department. However, there's one downfall to my food love.

I'm not a good cook. I can do basic meals, but ask me to do something fancy, or even a roast, or a three course dinner? No way. I don't know how chefs do it, and all at once too.

Only, I love baking. I have a cupboard full of baking things. I watch the British Bake Off, and Masterchef and those kinds of programmes, and love it.On my Pinterest account I have a plethora (isn't that a great word?) of recipes for cakes and muffins and a couple of savoury meals too.

from potsandfood.blogspot.com

I always look on Pinterest, and at cookery programmes and think to myself that one day I'll do it. I very rarely do. This is mainly because when I go shopping I look at the prices of things and work out if I can afford to do a really nice meal that I may or may not burn. The answer is pretty much unswervingly no.

My best meal to date, that I have actually mastered (amazingly) is pasta bake. Everyone seems to enjoy it, so much so in fact that my culinary prowess in this area has swept across my family and when I told my mum I was making it tonight, she almost cancelled her meal for one to have some. If you want to woo your friends and family by making this awesome pasta, I was so proud I made a blog post, which you can find right here.

So yes, I like food. A lot. Sweet things in particular.
I'll tell you my favourite. It's marzipan. I'm heartbroken because my boyfriend hates marzipan. Its a travesty.

What's your favourite food?

How to blag University.

Blagging University is not as easy as it sounds. Upon almost finishing my third and final year, I have learnt a lot about the art of blagging, how to avoid salespeople, looking like you're doing something important when you're not, spouting words that sound good when you have no idea what you're talking about, and going to lectures after having hardly any sleep and probably still being a bit drunk.
I'm pretty sure anybody who has been, or currently goes to University knows the feeling.

You will need:
-One very powerful liver.
-An excessive amount of patience.
-A can-do attitude (if you do not have this you will need more patience).
-Skills in lying, personal defence, hypochondria, insomnia amongst others.
-To overcome the hatred of the library that school and college inflicted upon you.
-Knowledge of microwaves and washing machines (or copious amounts of credit on your phone so that you can ring your parents/friends/999 for help).
-A good imagination (for when you're asked any questions at all).


In order to be a good guide on how to get through Uni without failing at life, I will now tell you a few how to's that you will need. Definitely.

1. How to make yourself sound knowledgeable when you don't know what you're talking about.
- Use long words, with complex sentences. (maybe by spending a few minutes wikipedia-ing some awesome sounding words, maybe even something to do with your subject.)
- Go on about it for a few paragraphs. This way everybody gets a little confused and probably won't bother with you again for a while.
There is a downfall to this approach. You may be asked to say it again in simpler terms. If this happens, I have a fail safe:
- Change the subject. You can do this by saying something along the lines of 'As relevant as that is, I think this...' And then hope you get away with it. Or, you could say that it is irrelevant because of something else, then make something up again.

Of course, this is more useful if you have a good imagination. If you don't, I suggest you try to know the answer to the question. or something about the subject.


2. How to eat junk food and not feel guilty.

This one is easy. When you're drunk you don't feel guilty at all.
The other option for the more health-conscious of you is to balance out your meals. Be sure you include lots of fruit and veg so you don't get scurvy and such, and allow yourself a 'treat' of something outrageously delicious and fatty every few weeks.
If you're like me and have a sweet tooth, eat something savoury and a bit more healthy first. You'll feel better. I promise.
Another option is to be ridiculously fastidious and eat healthily all the time. Then you have absolutely no need to feel guilty in the first place.

3. How to get yourself served quickly in a bar/club.
Girls: Lean over the counter a little, preferably with some boob showing if you want to get served by a man. Give them the eye too. And smile. Don't forget to smile.
This doesn't work on other girls, gay men or straight men that prefer flat chested females, they will just think you're a hussy and won't serve you.
With other girls, gay men or straight men who prefer flat chested girls, just wait there and smile when they come your way.


Guys: Acquire an air of not caring whether you get served. This way you might start to believe it.
To be quite honest I'm not sure there's a way to get yourself served quicker than usual, unless you've got some rippling muscles tucked away under a tight shirt. As usual, this won't often work on straight men, or on women or gay men who prefer men who aren't ripped. If you aren't that muscular, you're in with more of a chance with them.


4. How to get rid of stress.Stressed? I'm not surprised. Well, to be honest i can't help you. Just calm the hell down and don't give yourself a hernia. But, I will give you some useful websites. I'm not all bad.
DeStress - a website for all your stress-free needs.
Unconventional (ie. Weird) ways to de-stress. 
Keep Calm Gallery.
Get a Reality Check - Seriously, the universe is huge, and you're worrying about one tiny exam?

And there you have it. A not so useful guide to blagging University.
You will get through it, I promise.
But if you can't you can always drop out.
(Just don't forget you'll owe the government some money.)