Monday, 12 March 2012

Cats are Pure Evil.

I hate Cats.

It's true. They are the incarnation of pure evil. They loiter in alleyways, trying to size you up, licking their lips and claws, ready to pounce.
They leap at you, trying to shred you to death with their knife-like claws, and purposefully cause you bad luck by walking in front of you. (And it IS purposeful, mark my words).

Cats also hate us. They do. You can see it in their eyes. They think we're pathetic- this is why we must banish them from our houses.

Their only use is to eradicate vermin smaller than themselves, that's is when they're not lounging around, stealing our rays of sun and eating our food.

The one exception in the cat world happens to be an animated cat, voiced by Antonio Banderas. He is also exceedingly annoying, but nevertheless Puss in Boots in the Shrek films is the only cat that I like. This is probably because he is animated, and therefore not real. It is also probably because he has a Spanish accent, which is always nice. And then there's the cute face. Nobody could resist that face.
The fact is, real cats do not have that face. If they did, they wouldn't use it either. This is because they don't care.

Then there's Cat Man. But he cannot be classified as a cat, because he is really a human. So we like him, as he's pretty awesome.

Ancient Egyptians have a lot to answer for really. They loved cats, worshiped them and so on. Frankly, it's weird. Although, Cats are mysteriously regal, so I can see what they were enamored by. (Which would also explain why they always seem to be looking down their noses at us.)

Please join me in disliking Cats. I would deeply appreciate it.

Jog on, Kitties.

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