The Handbag of Hell.

This post will be owning up to a lot.
After reading a friends blog about what's in her handbag (to be nosy, you can look at her post HERE) , I've been inspired to write about what's in my handbag. Now, you might think its not that bad, but if you know me, then you'll know I carry a lot in my handbag, and it's actually got better over the years.
At college I had an absolutely enormous bag that literally had everything in it.
Now I've whittled it down to a fairly normal sized handbag, but I still cram stuff into it.

For many eons the modern woman has had her handbag. She cradles it in her arms every single day of the year, almost never letting it out of her sight. The trusty handbag is almost more important than the not-so-trusty boyfriend (but we love them anyway), but not quite, because it can't give you hugs and kisses, or make you tea. But over the centuries of dependence we have filled our handbag with more and more useless stuff. Now is the time to reveal all of this stuff, and take a hold of our handbags with pride! (And empty out all of those receipts and tissues).

Of course, there is that thing that a girls handbag can tell you a lot about her. The look of it and what's inside. As you'll see my one says that I think of a lot of possibilities that are unlikely to happen, take precautions for everything and get ill quite a bit.

If I emptied it out it would look like a rubbish dump. And here's a picture to prove it.
So now, just like every woman should do at some point every ten years, I've got my bag on my bed, and I'll guiltily list the contents (and try to justify them).

- My mobile phone. I went without my phone for a day and the most annoying thing was that I never knew what the time was. And not being able to know what other were doing, so not good.
- My Glasses. They help me see, I need them.
- Three pens (red,black,blue) and a notepad. This is Uni's fault, plus I always find i need to write things down at the most inopportune moments.
- My Purse Well, this ones a no-brainer, but I could probably do with getting rid of the receipts inside.
- An endless supply of tissues. Who knows when you'll need them. As I have a massive cold at the moment, I need lots. As well as my lozenges, throat spray and so on.
- A Mirror. This is where the uselessness kicks in, although it is good for checking for food in your teeth.
- Paracetamol and Ibuprofen Always carry pain relief (I get headaches easily).
- Also Hay fever tablets.
- Hand Sanitiser - for unruly toilets.
- My Camera (currently). Because it's nice outside and I keep meaning to take random pictures of pretty things.
- Some plasters. You never know.
- Hair band X2
- A Comb
- Tweezers
- Batteries (for my camera)
- Make up. Don't ask me why I have so much of it yet don't use it that often. (Includes 2 eyeshadow sets, 2 lipsalves, mascara, lipgloss, 2 lipsticks).
- Reciepts and lozenge wrappers, maybe a sweet wrapper or two.
- Packets of beechams and decaf coffee. People find this one weird. This is because I don't want to get caught out without a Beechams, and in case there is no decaf coffee at someones house/out and about.
- Ear plugs
- Chewing gum
- A random button.

Please feel free to gawk at the sheer amount of crap shown here.

And that's the entire contents of my bag folks. Mostly useful things, but a couple of weird things and rubbish things thrown in for good luck.
Hopefully everyone can be as honest about the amount of pure crap that inhabits their bags.
Please.
And for the sake of everyone's sanity, we should tidy them up a bit too.

How to blag University.

Blagging University is not as easy as it sounds. Upon almost finishing my third and final year, I have learnt a lot about the art of blagging, how to avoid salespeople, looking like you're doing something important when you're not, spouting words that sound good when you have no idea what you're talking about, and going to lectures after having hardly any sleep and probably still being a bit drunk.
I'm pretty sure anybody who has been, or currently goes to University knows the feeling.

You will need:
-One very powerful liver.
-An excessive amount of patience.
-A can-do attitude (if you do not have this you will need more patience).
-Skills in lying, personal defence, hypochondria, insomnia amongst others.
-To overcome the hatred of the library that school and college inflicted upon you.
-Knowledge of microwaves and washing machines (or copious amounts of credit on your phone so that you can ring your parents/friends/999 for help).
-A good imagination (for when you're asked any questions at all).


In order to be a good guide on how to get through Uni without failing at life, I will now tell you a few how to's that you will need. Definitely.

1. How to make yourself sound knowledgeable when you don't know what you're talking about.
- Use long words, with complex sentences. (maybe by spending a few minutes wikipedia-ing some awesome sounding words, maybe even something to do with your subject.)
- Go on about it for a few paragraphs. This way everybody gets a little confused and probably won't bother with you again for a while.
There is a downfall to this approach. You may be asked to say it again in simpler terms. If this happens, I have a fail safe:
- Change the subject. You can do this by saying something along the lines of 'As relevant as that is, I think this...' And then hope you get away with it. Or, you could say that it is irrelevant because of something else, then make something up again.

Of course, this is more useful if you have a good imagination. If you don't, I suggest you try to know the answer to the question. or something about the subject.


2. How to eat junk food and not feel guilty.

This one is easy. When you're drunk you don't feel guilty at all.
The other option for the more health-conscious of you is to balance out your meals. Be sure you include lots of fruit and veg so you don't get scurvy and such, and allow yourself a 'treat' of something outrageously delicious and fatty every few weeks.
If you're like me and have a sweet tooth, eat something savoury and a bit more healthy first. You'll feel better. I promise.
Another option is to be ridiculously fastidious and eat healthily all the time. Then you have absolutely no need to feel guilty in the first place.

3. How to get yourself served quickly in a bar/club.
Girls: Lean over the counter a little, preferably with some boob showing if you want to get served by a man. Give them the eye too. And smile. Don't forget to smile.
This doesn't work on other girls, gay men or straight men that prefer flat chested females, they will just think you're a hussy and won't serve you.
With other girls, gay men or straight men who prefer flat chested girls, just wait there and smile when they come your way.


Guys: Acquire an air of not caring whether you get served. This way you might start to believe it.
To be quite honest I'm not sure there's a way to get yourself served quicker than usual, unless you've got some rippling muscles tucked away under a tight shirt. As usual, this won't often work on straight men, or on women or gay men who prefer men who aren't ripped. If you aren't that muscular, you're in with more of a chance with them.


4. How to get rid of stress.Stressed? I'm not surprised. Well, to be honest i can't help you. Just calm the hell down and don't give yourself a hernia. But, I will give you some useful websites. I'm not all bad.
DeStress - a website for all your stress-free needs.
Unconventional (ie. Weird) ways to de-stress. 
Keep Calm Gallery.
Get a Reality Check - Seriously, the universe is huge, and you're worrying about one tiny exam?

And there you have it. A not so useful guide to blagging University.
You will get through it, I promise.
But if you can't you can always drop out.
(Just don't forget you'll owe the government some money.)

Weather you hate rain or not, this is for you.

I've been reading some weird news articles yet again, And have found an interesting one.

The Nubrella, from Inventorspot.com.

First things first, it would have been incredibly handy over the four day weekend, when on occasion it completely peed it down with rain. It is a completely hands free umbrella, found HERE.
The article its self boasts that the Nubrella can resist winds of up to 50mph, and is secured by shoulder straps to protects the face, head and shoulders. I can't help but think that it won't protect the rest of my body. It also says that it slips back like a hood, so you won't have to lug it around when you're not using it either.
I reckon I would buy one, because it's an umbrella for the average lazy person, and that sounds a little like me. Also, I break my umbrellas in low winds, so one that resists high winds should be a good investment. It is also said to NEVER invert, which is how I break my umbrellas.
Look out Nubrella, you may have a customer.

Personally, I reckon they should also invent a material that looked really good and was completely weatherproof. This includes not being too hot in the sun, not getting drenched in rain or snow, not being hurt by hail stones and so on.
Then everyone could buy a full length coat and we'd all be happy.

Apocalypse, Now?

At the end of this year, according to Mayans, the world is going to end.
You know, poisonous gases, massive explosions, the world flooding and us having to cram ourselves into and Ark again, maybe some giant hailstones and a meteorite, a random government deciding to assassinate the whole of Europe, or an alien invasion. The whole shebang.

But whatever conspiracy theory or apocalyptic episode is going to happen, it's supposed to happen loudly and rudely. In our faces.

There's nothing quite like spreading a panic throughout the entire world.
Recently there have been more and more of these ideas. Ranging from post-apocalyptic dystopian novels to films involving a world-wide epidemic (Contagion), a giant flood and general weather disasters (2012) and zombie apocalypses (the up and coming Warm Bodies, based upon a book, and World War Z). Oh, and aliens (Skyline). 

The four horsemen, courtesy of Wikipedia.
But the ones in Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's
'Good Omens' are far superior. Sorry.

But then, there are always these kinds of fears. Take swine flu, bird flu, climate change, terrorist attacks and so on..
It's all out there, and since when are we affected by it? Some people are, I know. It's happened in the country I live in, yes. But generally, these things don't happen to laypeople.

It's a lot like Crime. People don't tend to get murdered very often, but people still worry about it when they're out at night, walk past a dark alley and so on. I do it too.
But I take a large umbrella to defend myself in case it does ever happen. (It's very useful, not only for the occasional blast of rain).

We don't need to worry so much.

So to get to my eventual point. Please, don't worry. Enjoy your life because you don't know when the time will come that you can't. Although It'll most likely be quite a way into the future. 

And if the world does end later this year, at least we'll all be able to see 'The Hobbit' before it does.

Cats are Pure Evil.

I hate Cats.

It's true. They are the incarnation of pure evil. They loiter in alleyways, trying to size you up, licking their lips and claws, ready to pounce.
They leap at you, trying to shred you to death with their knife-like claws, and purposefully cause you bad luck by walking in front of you. (And it IS purposeful, mark my words).

Cats also hate us. They do. You can see it in their eyes. They think we're pathetic- this is why we must banish them from our houses.

Their only use is to eradicate vermin smaller than themselves, that's is when they're not lounging around, stealing our rays of sun and eating our food.

The one exception in the cat world happens to be an animated cat, voiced by Antonio Banderas. He is also exceedingly annoying, but nevertheless Puss in Boots in the Shrek films is the only cat that I like. This is probably because he is animated, and therefore not real. It is also probably because he has a Spanish accent, which is always nice. And then there's the cute face. Nobody could resist that face.
The fact is, real cats do not have that face. If they did, they wouldn't use it either. This is because they don't care.

Then there's Cat Man. But he cannot be classified as a cat, because he is really a human. So we like him, as he's pretty awesome.

Ancient Egyptians have a lot to answer for really. They loved cats, worshiped them and so on. Frankly, it's weird. Although, Cats are mysteriously regal, so I can see what they were enamored by. (Which would also explain why they always seem to be looking down their noses at us.)

Please join me in disliking Cats. I would deeply appreciate it.

Jog on, Kitties.

How To Make a 'Bangin' Pasta Bake.

I feel extremely big-headed saying this, but I make the best pasta bake in existence. No other pasta bakes can compare. So I'm going to share with you the secret of the best pasta bake in the world.

There are two secrets. One is in the sauce, one is literally heaps and heaps of cheese.

So. You will need (roughly):
- A mound of dry pasta (in any shape you like, but I like the bows or the twizzles) about 3 cups worth.
- 1 jar of Homepride creamy tomato and herb pasta bake sauce.
- A pepper, or a third of three different types of peppers. Personally I enjoy green, red and yellow.
- One small onion.
- a pinch of garlic powder/ a tiny clove of garlic.
- Lots of cheese.

THIS is how delicious your pasta could look.
From nomoneynocry (link at bottom of page)

- a medium sized saucepan
- a strainer
- a grater
- a shallow ovenproof dish.
- knife, spoons, cutlery to eat with, etc.

This recipe feeds two very hungry people.

1. Cook the pasta, with water, in a saucepan. Pretty obvious, but most recipes don't tell you to do this. I find it's much easier and tastier when the pasta has already been cooked before it's placed into the ovenproof dish.

1+1/2. preheat oven at 200 degrees Celsius.

2. While the pasta is cooking chop up the pepper/s and onion. Plonk it in the ovenproof dish, add some garlic powder and any other herbs and spices you think will go down nicely.

3. When the pasta is cooked, drain it and then mix it in with the vegetables in the ovenproof dish. Now pour in the sauce (it's delicious) and stir.

4. Grab your cheese block and grate it away over the top of the pasta/vegetable/sauce. Make sure to cover it all over. Lots of cheese makes it so, so good.

5. Place your dish in the oven and leave until the cheese has melted and gone a goldeny colour. Usually takes about 20-30 minutes.

6. Eat the most amazing pasta bake ever. You won't regret it. I promise. (That is, unless you don't like an ingredient in it.)

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For other Homepride Recipes, there are lots on the website.
Click HERE for further details.

Picture: http://knowmoneynocry.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/pasta-bake.jpg

Weee're off the see the... pyramids?

Travelling is something I have always wanted to do.
And it's something I'm incredibly proud of having done too.

England

But to be honest, there's a lot of places I still need/want to go to. (And I WILL be giving you a quick 'Top 5' list at the end of this post.)

Travelling can be defined in two ways: Leisure and business. You don't want the business option. This is because usually you get a swanky hotel, but you have to work whilst trying to drink in the rays of sunshine. Or maybe visiting a major landmark isn't quite so goiod whilst wearing a suit.

But normal leisure holidays are bliss aren't they? Wait, do I hear you say no? Why?

Travelling can be an utter nightmare.
First there's the packing. Oh the dreadful packing. You never know what the weather will be like, so don't know what kind of clothes to bring. I know I always end up taking more than I should just because I may need a Jumper/Anorak/Scarf/Extra skirt.
Then there's the getting there. Whether it's flying, driving, ferry-ing, cycling or ballooning, something will always go wrong. Someone will always be on the late side, or perhaps the car is out of water, or maybe someone forgot something and you're already half way to the airport. But something always happens. (And it usually happens to me.)

Czech Republic

Luggage. When you pick up your luggage at the end of a flight. That's the bit I most dread. It's terrifying. What would happen if it was too heavy and you ended up going around on the travelator? Or what if your luggage mysteriously vanishes or was sent to a completely different place? Not. Good.


Hotels/hostels/B+Bs. General Accomodation. These are sometimes are the worst part of a holiday. Although if you look around enough, definitely looking at reviews and check beforehand hopefully this matter wouldn't have to be adressed. But yes, some holidays are completely ruined by the accommodation, be it by loud and awful neighbours, or mould-infested bathrooms. But if you complain enough about the state of your room there's always a chance you could get it for free, or money off.

Washington D.C

The actual holiday. Not only do the people sometimes annoy you (what with the usual tiny annoyances, and then the larger debates on where to go, what to do, who has to sleep in the double bed together and so on) but there's bugs, pills to take, amount of sun tan lotion to have on you, whether you require more money than initially planned. Many things that could potentially go wrong. We all hope they don't, but most likely they will.
But hopefully, your holidays always go exceedingly well, with not a hitch in sight. (Apart from the general holiday stress).



Top 5 Places I NEED to visit.
1. Peru (Aztec Buildings... need I say more?)
2. Norway (To watch the lovely Aurora Borealis (Northern Lights)
3. Colorado (Which is apparently beautiful) or Alaska.
4. Gibraltar (It's where one half of my family is from)
5. Thailand (well, why not?)

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ALL pictures used in this post are my own pictures.

Doctor... Who?

Doctors. You can say a lot about them.
There are a heck of a lot of types: eye doctors, teeth doctors (also known as dentists.. please see my other post depicting how evil they are. Right HERE), child doctors (paediatricians, not to be confused with paedos), woman doctors (Gynaecologists, not to be confused with.. er.. a Gyroscope?), witch doctors, Doctor Who, Dr. Seuss, Dr. Phil. Yeah.

So it's interesting. And soon I'll be having to waltz into the reception, ask about my appointment, wait for my appointment and then walk gloomily into the room to have my eyes poked and prodded, only to be told, most likely, that not a lot can be done about it.
Which is pretty much what happens every time anybody goes to the doctors.
That or they ply you with some drugs and tell you to come back if they:
A. Don't work
B.Work too well OR
C. Run out.

But on a good note, Doctor Who, the famous Television series and film franchise, is really really good. I think that this redeems Doctors no end.

Seriously though, Doctors have to go through one heck of a lot. First training.. which is many years, then actually dealing with patients? Some being major hypochondriacs and others just having sore heads. And the weird thing people get stuck in their passages, no thank you. So I have a lot of respect for doctors.
And they always have to look at the worst parts of a human. All infected and gross.

Obviously, it must be incredibly rewarding when you cure a person of a disease, or save a life, or perform a heart transplant, or generally make a persons' life better.  But would you want that much responsibility?

And then there's nurses. The ones that get all the jobs the doctors hate, or are too busy to do. And work their butts off (although obviously not all of them) just for the news to say it's rubbish? So I feel for them too.

So yes. Doctors and Nurses.
A great theme for a party, but a great job?
I'm not so sure.