Living with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - An Invisible Illness

Image from Google

I have been living with a mild form of Chronic Fatigue for 3 years.

The worst part about it is not that I'm tired the entire time, it's not the aches and pains, it's not the fact that I have to rest after doing any physical activity or anything remotely strenuous.
The worst part is that it is an invisible illness that people don't take seriously, not even some doctors.

If I say that I'm really tired today, what I actually mean is that it's a struggle to do things today. It was a massive task to get myself out of bed. To drive to work took a lot of willpower. My legs feel like jelly and the headache I didn't think would get worse has, as I should have known, got worse.

It is so hard to hear people saying "oh yeah I'm really tired too, I did so many hours work this week" knowing they're thinking that I won't be nearly as tired as they are because I've only done half the hours they've worked. The fact is that I could work for just 5 hours a week and it will affect me. In the evening all I'll want to do is sleep, but I know it won't help because I never feel refreshed when I wake up.

I can't do as many activities as people want me to do because I know that if I do it I might have to take a day off work to recover because I can't get out of bed.

If I have, let's say, a day out, I have to rest the next day, and in the evening, just to feel normal again. Only my version of normal is not your version of normal. My version is still tired, with low energy.

But there are good days. Some days I almost feel my old self again. I feel like I could do anything. Those are the good patches. Sometimes I even can do things and not feel completely drained afterwards. Those are the days I live for.

Image from Google

I remember being able to do things and not feel tired. I think that is one of the worst things about it. But I still hope that one day I'll be able to get back to that. One day I'll be able to feel invigorated by exercise. One day I'll be able to have a day out and drive home afterwards and feel fine. One day.

These are just some thoughts on the matter.
Hopefully, it'll help bring some awareness to those who read it, or for those experiencing something similar, it's always nice to have people who understand.

#ShortGirlProblems

The other day I was spending my free time on twitter, as usual, and came across and article on Sugarscape about short girl problems. While I felt it was very good, there was definitely more to be said on the subject. (You can read the article here).

There are many short girls out there, and what we lack in stature we make up in sass. One of my best friends is below 5 foot. She's the only person I know shorter than me, and I also work with her, so this ones for you, because I know you'll relate to this more than anyone else. She is also probably the bossiest person I know, and everyone should be very afraid of her.

In fact, at my workplace we have uncommonly short staff, and unreasonably tall staff. It's one or the other, there are only a few people in between. So to start me off, I'll list work-related issues, and move on to others.

1. Everything is made for giants. (AKA normal sized people)

This is actually also an everyday problem. At work I have issues in working behind the bar because the glasses are too high, as are the bottles of alcohol, as is the actual bar. People cannot see me behind the till and think that nobody is behind the bar.

We also can't reach the top shelf, or even the second to top shelf.

Those bars on the tube? Not a chance in hell.
Most of the time if I'm alone I use props to get things, or run after a tall person and beg them to get it for me.

Image from google.

2. The jokes.

Don't get me started on the jokes. Just think Lord Farqaad from Shrek jokes.

3.When I sit on chairs my feet don't touch the floor.

Or sofas.. or anything. People have laughed.

4. When I'm in town with my boyfriend, sometimes we get weird looks. He's 6 ft.

One time I got ID'd for a 15 film. I was 20. He went in and bought it for me.
Also, yes I do have to get on my tiptoes to kiss him.

5. I look like I'm staring at your boobs. I'm really trying not to, but they're right in my line of vision.

6. Hugs with tall people make you feel even smaller.

Because they can wrap their arms completely around you.
Hugs with more than one person can be claustrophobic.

7. People use your head as an arm rest.

8. I've met 10 year olds who are taller than me.

9. Trying to do things in the house turns into a nightmare.

Because the tall people put things in high places, and cupboards are too tall. This sums it up perfectly too:

Image from google

10. Finding clothes that fit us.Luckily, I don't have to shop in the kids section or on specialist sites, but I know some of us do. But I do have a jeans issue. Even the short jeans are not short enough. A midi dress looks like a long dress on me, and a long shirt is a dress.

11. Driving.
I pretty much have to put my seat all the way forward. In some cars, this is not enough and it requires an extra cushion, or two. Maybe a booster seat. I also have to pump it as high as I can to see over the steering wheel. You have no idea how many comments I get on this. And trying to defrost the car is a nightmare. I cant reach to the middle of my windscreen very well, so use the curb to boost me.

12. Riding a bike.

Cars are not the only mode of transport that cause issues. Recently I went on holiday and stupidly hired a bike. I had to jump on it every time I wanted to ride it because it was too tall, and the seat was the whole way down. I also had to stand on my tiptoes.

This is what happens.
Image from google.

13. When you sit behind someone, you cannot see anything.
Which is why I debate bringing a cushion to the cinema and theatre.

14. Mirrors are usually too high.

Remember when people took mirror selfies? That didn't work out so well.

Have some photographic evidence.

That's not all, but it's as many as I dare to list while still trying not to sound whiny.
There are some great things about being short too, like being able to get people to do things for you, and fitting in smaller spaces.

I hope other small girls agree!

Freak Like Me

On another nostalgic note, who remembers Russell Kane's show 'Freak Like Me'. There weren't many episodes, but when it was on I loved it. There were so many things that made every one of us different and unique. Some were weird collections, like dead bees, some were what we enjoyed doing behind closed doors, like running in circles, some were bathroom habits and how we sleep, and other habits and hobbies, such as the girl who likes small spaces. I personally prefer sticking my head out of the window at night, because I love the smell of the night air and believe that there is such thing as a 'good night' smell.

Here's a snippet of it.(well, 15 mins)



I thought that show was great, because it celebrated our weirdness and uniqueness.
So I'll share with you some of my oddities:

1. I have a habit of collecting notebooks. I love writing lists and random things down, even if it's just a list of things to do today. It makes me feel more productive. I have a notebook for everything and anything, and there's always one in my bag. The only time I won't have one is if I don't have a bag on me, or I'm using a tiny bag for some reason.

Image from Google.

2. Weird food combinations. Mine is ice cream/milkshake and chips (especially Mcdonalds chips and dairy milk Mcflurry). I've actually found not one, not two, but three other people who like and do this. We are planning on a trip to Macdonalds. I like cooked tomatoes but not raw ones, but prefer raw carrots to cooked carrots. Although none of that is as weird as something I watched where a woman ate sofa stuffing. Or cats hair.

3. I personally love singing. Mostly when I'm alone. Always in my car, at the top of my lungs. Because cruising down a country road at 6 in the morning singing along to Fat Bottomed Girls in heaps of fun. I also am a fan of musicals, and frequently my musical CD is churning out a bit of Les Mis for the ride.

Image from Google.

4. I am selective with things I buy. In a supermarket, I will usually pick the second or third product on the shelf (the ones behind the first one). I especially do this with milk and deodorant (because then people haven't sprayed the deodorant and the milk is fresher). I'm also a complete cheapo and buy the cheapest I can, sometimes, but not too often, paying a pittance for bad products, but normally I'm quite good and just spotting bargains.

5. I used to have little packets of decaf coffee in my bag for emergencies. It's a bit like my stash of plasters in my car, and pain relief in my bag. I might carry on doing that as at work we always run out of coffee.

Do you have any weird habits?

The Handbag of Hell: Part 2.

I was rooting through my posts today and saw The Handbag of Hell. That was when I had a weird moment of reflectiveness and decided how different my life was today, and how the things in my handbag have changed. I also noticed how much neater my handbag is, and actually, slightly smaller. The last time I did my handbag post, I was just about still studying at Uni.I'd recently given in my dissertation and was dreading the upcoming results. Now I'm working and, whilst back home, out of my mums house and in with the boyfriend.

So in the spirit of nostalgia for a bygone age, I've decided to do a second post, perhaps with slightly more detail, however much less stuff.
So here it is:
(I know, I said less, but I promise you there is less)

 I think the first thing (which I'm very proud of I might add) that I compared about the pictures, were my bed covers. Now I have pretty cool ones. So, as a list of things there, which I will go through in more detail, I have:

My phone, keys, hair accessories including brush and hairpins, make up bag, tablet stash, glasses, hand stuff, kindle (I rarely put it down), diary, notepad, many, many pens.

So this is my beautiful handbag, which my mum found whilst clearing her room. Apparently it was supposed to be a birthday or Christmas present for either me or my sister and she didn't even realise it was there. It's probably been there for years knowing her.It had a little make-up purse inside it, which I'm using for that purpose. It also came with a bigger overnight bag that I might use for a laptop.

First up, my mobile phone.
- It's a Google Nexus 4. Touchscreen, easy to use, gorgeous design, sparkly back and my very first smartphone. Before it I had an ancient Nokia, but at least it had a colour screen.
- Cath Kidston purse, which my sister got for me for my birthday, isn't it cute with those little strawberries?
- Cancer Research Diary, which I got as a gift for staff.
- Pretty notepad, £1.99 from The Works.

And this is Part 1 of my make-up handbag collection, situated in the make-up bag that came with the handbag. This is just for the lips. Afterwards i shall be doing a cull of it. Includes:

-Little green tin, from Superdrug. With Aloe Vera.
-2 Miss Sporty Dr Balm lipbalms, which are balms that have a little bit of colour made with Royal Jelly. I love them.
-2 Make Up Academy (MUA) lipsticks. At £1 each i don't think you can go wrong, one is a purply colour and the other is pinky-red.
- Miss Sporty Perfect Colour Lipstick in Spiced Rum.
- Avon Lipstick in Sparkling Nude
-Collection 2000 Lip gloss.
- Revlon Just Bitten Lipstain and balm in Beloved/Adoration.

And Part 2 - the rest. (from left to right)
- Mandara pa Honeymilk Dream Nourishing Hand Cream. This smells soo good. It was a present from my boyfriends parents and came as part of a set.
- The Body Shop Hand Cleanse Gel in Strawberry. A must, and it smells good.
- Miss Sporty Morning Baby BB Cream. I was never really into BB creams, but i thought I'd give it a go and I have to say I'm turned. It's like a very light foundation and moisturiser in one, and this bottle is small enough to fit nicely in the bag.
- Blusher Balls from Primark. These leave a subtle rosy glow.
- A very well used Body Shop Eyeshadow in Copper.
- Natural Collection Lashcurl mascara in Brown.

And those are the contents of my handbag. Now for that person who said to me at work "This weighs a tonne, what on earth do you put in this thing?", now you know that it's not actually bricks as you've been led to believe.

A to Z: Reflections

I'm supposed to do a reflections post and I haven't really had enough time for it until now.

But I thought I'd put this one in quickly and then have a nap while I have the time.

So instead of doing a massive list of pros and cons, I'll just give you a few of my favourite posts, and tell you about a few horrors.

The Favourites

#1. Knight, because it's a step-by-step guide on how to become a knight.

#2. Blueberry muffin. Because it's a poem which bends every law, and is just a load of nonsense.

#3. Vader, discussing my inner geek.

Though Irritations and Extra-Terrestrials are rather good too.

I also very much enjoyed my music post, Queen, but it didn't quite make the cut.

The Horrors.

Horror 1: Trying to do it every day was a major challenge, especially since some days I get up, go to work and don't come back until quite late at night (well, late for me). So that was pretty tough. One day I didn't quite make it. But only just. I think it was about ten past midnight when I finally posted.

Horror 2: Linking with Horror 1, some days I just didn't feel like, it and it ended up being really bad, such as my Water post. It's appalling.

Horror 3: Some letters are sooo difficult. I just couldn't think of anything. X was pretty difficult, W was the first thing that slipped into my head, and I struggled on C to, because there's just too many words.

That is all.

A to Z: Zombies

It's the very last day of the A to Z April challenge, and therefore also the last day of April. Hopefully some warmer weather is to come during May.

I know, I know, everyone and their dog is doing Zombies for the last of this challenge, but hell, I couldn't pass up on a Zombie Apocalypse now could I?

So today I'm doing a how to post, and hopefully you'll find it interesting, amusing, and in the case of a real zombie apocalypse, useful.

Cute Zombie, from Shutterstock.com

How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse in 5 Easy Steps.

1. All good brits know how to scimp and hoarde, so the first way of surviving is to make sure you have plenty of cans and food that won't go off for a while, as well as biscuits and portable snacks. If there's only cans, for god's sake don't forget your trusty can opener ( preferably not an electric one, in case that's disturbed).

2. Keep heavy artillery in the larder/basement/attic/cellar/laundry room. You never know when a zombie could try to break in. Also keep things you could use as weapons (like bread knives, rounders bats - they're fatter and shorter than baseball bats, so you'll be able to knock them down easier- paint guns, a scalpel and so on) around the house, just in case. Or spend some time thinking of things you could use as a weapon. Perhaps that strimmer in your garage might work to keep them back?

3. Hang out with someone who doesn't stand a chance against zombies, or who runs slower than you. They could be the difference between life and death. Make sure it's someone you don't actually like, otherwise you'll spend all your time going back for them or fighting off zombies and no time doing important things, like escaping.

4. Make sure you have a good escape plan. If it's rubbish you will die. Maybe try to escape to the outer hebrides or something.

5. Bring a large dog. Along similar lines to a person who runs slower, but a dog will go for an attack and could actually keep the zombies busy for a long time. Unless they're lazy.

Last but not least, don't get killed or run out of food, or you're a goner.

I hope that brightens up your day with the thought of an impending zombie apocalypse, it sure did mine.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this blog challenge as much as I did.

A to Z: Year (time)

A year, a day, a century, a minute. Time.

Time is one of those abstract things in life that we think about all the time, and yet not at all. We always need to know a certain time to be somewhere, when we should leave, how much time we have left. Days are measured in time, life is measured in time and our daily lives revolve around time. Yet do we really think about it properly?

Not very often. Even when we do it's more like, do I have enough time to be able to do all the things I want to in life? Is my biological clock ticking away? Am I too late?

Sundial, image from Google

When really we should be thinking about the sheer amount of time we do have, noting that there's not really that much of it, and making the most of it now, rather than later. That's why I try to make every minute count in my life. I have plans of things I want to do, but I'll still do them even when I get really old, because time sure as hell won't stop me.

Time, really, doesn't matter. Because although it's useful to know how many hours you have left in your day, and how long you should be sleeping for, our time could stop at any moment, and then what would have been the point in worrying about it? But then, if you're late for a job interview because you don't believe in time, well, that would be your own fault.

It is a shame that the world is ruled by time, but if we didn't have it (we assume) the world would just be a mess. Though personally I think our body clocks would work it out for us.

This year, I'm going to make a promise not to worry too much about time, and to enjoy life as I live it. As it's coming up to my birthday (another marker of time, I'll be 22 in case you're wondering) I think it should be like my mantra for my next year.

What would you do with your life if you had the time?

A to Z: Xena

Xena warrior princess was a show i liked quite a lot as a kid.
It was just about these two friends having an adventure together whilst looking like a couple of Amazonian warrior women.

Personally i always preferred Gabrielle. She might have been quieter but she was kick as when she had to be, or rather, when it mattered. Xena, however, was always a bit more aloof and proud.

It is and was nice to see some proper strong women on TV. It's much better than the masses of weak ones you see.

I always hated the older princesses in Disney,  they were so much more pathetic. Especially snow white. Sure, she was pure, but she was also completely thick. If someone who cares about you tells you not to open the door to complete strangers, you don't. You'd think she wouldn't anyway after one bad experience. But no, she's dumb about it. She also flounces around like an idiot and expects everyone to protect her.

Whereas the modern ones, let's take Megara from Hercules, not only have common sense and can take care of themselves perfectly fine, or at least try to, but they also have sass and attitude. So they actually have personalities instead of just being pure and simple.

Rant over. Weekday address your thoughts on strong women?